He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
