I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize