If that was your dad, he is hot
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
