There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
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drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
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my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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