I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
