i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
