There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
