i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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