well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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