At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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