i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
