So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
