I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
