Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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