I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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