I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
