I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
