i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
