i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
