i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
