I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
