I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
