im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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