You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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