his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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