I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
