I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
