Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
