Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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