So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
