I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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