she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
someone owes me an orgasm
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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