i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
