honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
