so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
