She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
