Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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