Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
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