I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
