I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
