So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not piercing ourselves today.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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