my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
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I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
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apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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