Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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