If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
