before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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