DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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