I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
