Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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