I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Are we still banned from the library?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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