Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
