I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
