did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
