it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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