You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
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Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
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He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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