It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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