please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
