Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
