just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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