Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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