He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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