Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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