He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
