I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
