she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
