I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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