so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
