Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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