Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
