If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I look better un-naked...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
