A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
