How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
